The End of Summer (Friday Fictioneers, September 2012)

This week’s photo prompt for the Friday Fictioneers came courtesy of Piya Singh.

Such a beautiful summer…

I couldn’t believe it was true; he was total perfection, and incredibly wanted to be with me.

That day, we’d slithered down stone-flecked hillsides greased with September rains, to seek shelter in the ramshackle building.  The dusty air crackled with the tension between us as we lay side by side.

Afterwards he told me it couldn’t happen again; it felt wrong, I was too young.

Afterwards, right?

The wheel creaked rhythmically as the stream rushed beneath the mill, and his neck cracked loudly, when his head became trapped in the spokes.

Everything changed that day.

Including me.



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About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

65 Responses to The End of Summer (Friday Fictioneers, September 2012)

  1. Dearest Sandra,

    Oh, How I laughed at the end of your story. From idyllic love to industrial accident to cautionary tale (for men). Will we ever learn? The answer, unfortunately, is no.

    I love the quiet reservoir of rage that fuels your writing. This was one of your best.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  2. Sandra says:

    My husband is edging nervously towards the door. 🙂 Thanks for commenting Doug, glad you liked it. Looking forward to yours.

    Like

  3. I didn’t see that one coming! 🙂 “Afterwards, right?” is perfect and I like this phrase…”we’d slithered down stone-flecked hillsides greased with September rains” a lot.

    Like

  4. claireful says:

    Hah! I really wasn’t expecting that – even as far as ‘his neck cracked loudly’ didn’t warn me enough to expect the next few words. Brilliantly told.

    Like

  5. Paul says:

    Ah, yes! The things we’ll say and do for a little “one-on-one” time. Not me, of course. But lots of other men. And no, we will never learn! Beautifully told. Pitch perfect.

    Like

  6. Andrew says:

    Talk about bait-and-switch! Fantastic!!

    Like

  7. As Dorothy said to the scarecrow: “I think I like you best of all.”
    Excellent!
    Scott

    Like

  8. He took her and she took revenge. She wasn’t so young after all. lol. Nice work. tks for visiting mine.

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  9. What a wicked little tale, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

    Like

  10. stuff I said says:

    That was a wonder unexpected twist! Great story, enjoy it a lot.

    Like

  11. Tessa says:

    Oh he so deserved that! Great job!

    Like

  12. boomiebol says:

    I sure didn’t see that coming lol…very nice! Thanks always for stopping by mine

    Like

  13. billgncs says:

    yikes — air crackling with tension — good thing — neck crackling in spokes — bad thing.

    enjoyed it

    Like

  14. Linda says:

    Well, he should have been more sensible and not taken advantage shouldn’t he … I loved the ‘neck cracked loudly’ as I could just hear it in my mind. Brilliant 🙂

    Like

  15. Wow! I didn’t see that coming at all. Serves him right.

    Like

  16. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…no matter how young. Well told, Sandra! Brilliant descriptions and plot with a twist Love it!

    Like

  17. vbholmes says:

    I like the contrast of the emotionalism in the beginning and the matter-of-fact tone “afterwards”. That young lady certainly grew up in a hurry….

    Like

  18. unspywriter says:

    Wonderfully done. A sweet tale with a great twist–just the kind of story I love.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/diaspora/

    Like

  19. Wow – I did *not* expect that! Powerfully told, Sandra, with a great voice – and I love the “stone-flecked hillside” phrase. 🙂
    Thanks for your comment on ours.

    Like

  20. ah, great alliteration and rhythm in that second paragraph Sandra. Also, I feel nervous.

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Oh yes, it is a bit hissy isn’t it – oops there I go again. 🙂 Thanks for commenting and please don’t feel nervous, it just makes my characters more threatening. 🙂

      Like

  21. Jess Schira says:

    I love pro-active female characters, and yours is certainly doesn’t waste any times. He won’t make that mistake twice. Excellent job!

    Like

  22. ron pruitt says:

    Hi Sandra,
    Hell hath no fury . . . For a story that has such an idyllic start, it turns dark very quickly. You demonstrate your usual masterful ability at putting words together in a comely manner. Thanks for reading and commenting on my story. Ron

    Like

  23. Afterwards, right. Of course. “The dusty air crackled with the tension between us as we lay side by side.” I loved that. All is not perfect. And the ending, totally unexpected. I really enjoyed this!

    Like

  24. Oops! Oh, those little slips of the tongue! I love the details you include – slithering down the rainy hill, the dusty air, the creaking wheel. The cracking neck. (I do worry a bit about what sort of person the speaker found herself turning into…but at least she’s not the classic Victorian victim. 😉 )

    Like

  25. Trudy says:

    I’d hopped over from reading Claire Fuller’s romantic piece, straight into this! You really caught me by surprise, but gotta say, he kind of deserved it.
    Also, this description is beautiful : ‘stone-flecked hillsides greased with September rains’.

    Like

  26. rgayer55 says:

    Wasn’t too fond of the old, “love ’em and leave ’em” ideology was she? I agree with Doug. This is one of your best.

    Like

  27. flyoverhere says:

    Never underestimate the wrath of a woman scorned… nice job.

    Like

  28. Joyce says:

    Really sad. it all turned so bad. Poor bloke got caught in the spoke. Something about this little place seems to be bringing out the worst in our story characters, huh?

    Like

  29. Cindy Marsch says:

    Justice or revenge? Hmmm. Delightfully naughty. I, too, envisioned people scrambling down a hillside to get to this place. Well done.

    Like

  30. Mayumi-H says:

    Oh, love that “Afterwards, right?” line…! Almost good to see someone who’s heart isn’t broken by this one-time tryst. Well done, Sandra! 😀

    Like

  31. tollykit says:

    Nice work. Loved that twist.

    Like

  32. John Hardy Bell says:

    I didn’t expect that ending at all. But reading as many of your brilliant stories as I have, I should learn to expect anything! Great job!

    Like

  33. Sandra says:

    Thank you John, glad I can still surprise you. 😉

    Like

  34. Parul says:

    “Everything changed that day… Including Me”… A lot said in so few words!
    Good one!

    Like

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