Cocoon (Friday Fictioneers, January 2014)

Copyright Bjorn Rudberg

The girl huddles in the outhouse, humming softly. Her tormentor lies across the doorway, a line of dried blood snaking from his ear.

Behind him, she’s watched the world turn for days.  Clouds have passed, birds fluttered by and insects buzzed lazily, drawn by the corpse before her.

The bread and cheese he’d brought that day is almost gone, the water-pail empty.

Cowbells tinkle in the valley; a tractor roars.  Help could be close…or possibly something even more sinister.

Wearily she steps over her jailer, and stumbles towards his cottage to find food.  Then she’ll decide.

But she never does.


Friday Fictioneers  meets on Wednesday, why wouldn’t it?   Last week there were over a hundred of us, so why not join us.  Thanks once again to Rochelle – hope you’re bearing up under this increased traffic.  🙂

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

67 Responses to Cocoon (Friday Fictioneers, January 2014)

  1. Dear Sandra,

    The stench had to have been intense by then. I found myself gasping for fresh air when she made it out of the outhouse. It looks like she found something other than help in the end. Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  2. atrm61 says:

    Ooh,chilling!Love this Sandra-you created the perfect atmosphere! 🙂 Am dying to know more- why is she unable to decide-has she lost her mind after going through so much?

    Like

  3. znjavid says:

    I like the way you leave it open and the reader guessing.

    Like

  4. Such a fantastic story, so many questions unanswered, and then you toss in that last line to leave us hanging. Wonderful

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  5. vbholmes says:

    Great story, Sandra, with lots of questions like: how’d she do him in? why’d she stay with the corpse? and, of course, why couldn’t she decide? I suspect we’ll all call for more. A success.

    Like

  6. Adam Ickes says:

    How could you do that to me? You drew me into your amazing world then just left me hanging like that!

    Like

  7. The end made the storing going from chilling to devastating… and i have no clue what really happened there.

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  8. Joe Owens says:

    Sandra, I was excited to see 110 under the linky when I looked at last weeks FF entry. I had not realized the response had rebounded so sharply, but am sure it is due to great entries such as this one from you. What a horrid experience for your MC.

    Like

  9. helenmidgley says:

    Oh that was dark, really left you wondering what happened next 🙂

    Like

  10. This is a haunting story. I like the way you tell us she’s been there for some time. The world turns for days. Good story.

    Like

  11. Horribly chilling at the end. I can easily imagine you as a film director, getting that scene oh so exactly right.superb wordsmithery.

    Like

  12. elmowrites says:

    So many questions, Sandra. I’m with Mr Ickes, how could you do this to us?

    Like

  13. kz says:

    omg this was sooo sooo good. the psychological horror of it all, and the sadness… yet i can easily see how difficult it is to truly break free from that cocoon.

    Like

  14. I really liked this, but at the same time, I’m frustrated that there isn’t more, which is, arguably, the point of good flash fiction. Well done.

    Like

  15. troy P. says:

    Stunning Sandra. Confoundedly open-ended stunning.

    Like

  16. My first question was why she waited so long to escape. I’m thinking you answered it with the last question, why she doesn’t decide.

    Like

  17. draliman says:

    Great story. Hopefully she can make a life for herself in the cottage, even if it will be a lonely one.

    Like

  18. This was scary. Truly sinister. Good for the girl if she escaped but then…..did she really? Amazing open end, so many questions…I’m dying to know what happened next!

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  19. Excellent Sandra the last sentence made me draw in a breath. Enjoyed it very much.

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  20. Poor thing. She’s managed the first bit but is still imprisoned. Great piece of flash fiction.

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  21. You played both sides of this perfectly, Sandra. Fiendishly well-written. I think therapy, if indeed she ever gets away, will be ongoing.

    janet

    Like

  22. Very cruel. No happy endings in your story. But beautifully told. We were hopeful right to the end. Sad, too. A gamut of feelings raised, possibilities discussed, hopes dashed, all in 100 words.

    Like

  23. Lala Rukh says:

    This is intense…and just so superb !

    Like

  24. Well done! I like that we aren’t sure what she came to, I like the sinister feel. Very nicely done!

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  25. I might have left that last sentence out, as this is so incredibly powerful with or without it. That sentence left me a little confused, why she doesn’t decide… though the trauma and horror are enough. The sense of that small place, with the food her abuser brought. This is charged with horror and pain. Wow, Sandra!

    Like

  26. Sandra says:

    It’s interesting the way different people see things. For me, the last sentence was key to the story. She’d been transfixed for days, then made a move when hunger drove her, but is unable to muster the courage to do anything more. Now that she has food and water, the cocoon is once again complete. Without the last sentence, the reader may believe that she had overcome her fears and move onwards. But I appreciate your input – it’s always interesting to see how others would have done things.

    Like

  27. hugmamma says:

    I felt as though I were she, trying to decide what to do. Well done!

    Like

  28. plaridel says:

    why the rush? now that he was gone, she can take her own sweet time.

    Like

  29. MrBinks says:

    Eeeewwwww! 😀

    Like

  30. Jan Brown says:

    Oh dear, not a happy ending…but then, I didn’t really expect one 😉

    Like

  31. Bryan Ens says:

    Nice little cliff-hanger

    Like

  32. I’m glad she was able to overpower her tormentor.

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  33. Ooh, a sinister little tale, Sandra. Brilliant!

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  34. rgayer55 says:

    Oh, you tease. We don’t know how she did in her tormentor nor what awaits beyond the outhouse door. Wonderfully written. You left me craving more.

    Like

  35. Nan Falkner says:

    Excellent Sandra, she is brave and survived. I would like to know what she did to the creep that captured her. Write a sequel – please 🙂 Thanks, Nan

    Like

  36. MissTiffany says:

    Sinister. Great atmosphere you set up here. I had no trouble picturing the horrible scene. Poor girl.

    Like

  37. So perfectly dark and sinister for this prompt. I could feel the thick stench in the air and the flies buzzing. Well done, Sandra!

    Like

  38. Steve Lakey says:

    I was completely drawn into the story. What an ending! Thanks, Sandra.

    Like

  39. unspywriter says:

    Very chilling! Thanks for the comment on mine.

    Like

  40. wmqcolby says:

    Ohhh, Sandra! Very atmospheric and suspenseful. You got me in the moment right there. makes me want to hear the rest, too. Happy (belated) New Year, by the way.

    Like

  41. Subroto says:

    That was a great story and a very tantalising ending.

    Like

  42. gingerpoetry says:

    Sandra, it´s great how you tell a story between the lines. The “movie-in-my-head” starts immediately when I read it! Great!
    Liebe Grüße
    Carmen

    Like

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