Beachcomber (Friday Fictioneers, May 2014)

Copyright B W Beacham

“Please hurry.”

With trembling fingers I pocket the phone, hoping they’ll find me quickly.

The body lies half-covered by seaweed, but I can still hear the relentless drone of insects meandering through what is left of the head. I struggle to control my heaving stomach.

The legs are splayed awkwardly, one red shoe with a broken heel dangling drunkenly from an upturned foot. She must have tried to escape.

The stillness of the dawn is broken by distant sirens and I sigh, relieved.

Closer though, sand begins to whisper, seagrass rustles irritably in protest.

And behind me, ragged breathing…

Posting this as we cruise between locks, hoping the mobile connection will hold on as we disappear further into the French countryside.  Friday Fictioneers time again, and thanks to Rochelle once more. 

About Sandra

I used to cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and wrote fiction and poetry. Now I live on the beautiful Dorset coast, enjoying the luxury of being able to have a cat, cultivating an extensive garden and getting involved in the community. I still write fiction, but only when the spirit moves me - which isn't as often as before. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
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108 Responses to Beachcomber (Friday Fictioneers, May 2014)

  1. Oh that breathing.. run run.. but I guess that will only get that murderous policeman excited…

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  2. Dear Sandra,

    I felt the panic rising in my own throat as I read. As always, your descriptions are vivid and your story well written as always.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  3. MrBinks says:

    This line: “seagrass rustles irritably in protest” is great!
    Nice work (as usual), Sandra.

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  4. Wonderful tension – from first word to last. And of course your forte, being able to keep everything tight and on edge. Word perfect description, like both you and kz do so well. A good read.

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  5. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Sandra,

    A piece part and parcel with the beauty of the prompt. Lyrical description, respite, and then….

    You are truly a master at this craft.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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  6. ‘What is left of the head’ – a punch in the stomach for your readers! And the ending is even more scary. Really well done Sandra.

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    • Sandra says:

      This is a recurring nightmare for me – that I come across the victim of violence and the perpetrator still lurks. I really must stop eating cheese at bedtime…

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  7. Oh man, that’s when you look for a big piece of driftwood to swing. I hope the sirens get there before they have two bodies to recover.

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  8. Beautiful descriptions and tight tight sentences. Sent shivers that last line!

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  9. wmqcolby says:

    Once again, Sandra, you got it down! Fine suspense and makes me want to read more. Poe would have been proud, Agatha, too. Bravo!

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  10. Well done, as always!

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  11. yarnspinnerr says:

    You made me look over my shoulder ……

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  12. YOU’RE SCARING ME, SANDRA!!! This was so good! “Seagrass rustles irritably”….each word so well chosen.

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  13. This is so full of adrenaline. Even to the end where if it was a movie I would gue a scream!.

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  14. Helena Hann-Basquiat says:

    If there was going to be a dead body this week, I’m glad it was you that wrote it. As Doug said, you are a master at this. Honestly, the wrecked shopping cart made me thing of the lyrics to an old (not THAT old) U2 song “dressed up like a car crash, your wheels are turning, but you’re upside down.” I didn’t know how to write that without just cribbing the lyrics, so I went in another direction.

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  15. Sandra, Well-written story as always with vivid, realistic description. It reads like an episode of CSI Miami or New York. I felt like I was there alone with the corpse and in deadly danger.

    Susan

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  16. You drag us lyrically through a variety of horrible emotions, Sandra. Perfectly crafted and executed as always. The punch of fear after the moment of relief is worse by contrast.

    janet

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  17. Way creepy! I say run like the wind. (My lady wore red shoes, too!) Nicely written.

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  18. paulmclem says:

    Love the description of the body….

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  19. Yikes! Great take on the photo this week, I’d love to hear what happens next!!

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  20. helenmidgley says:

    Ohh, loving the tension, I could almost hear the breathing myself 🙂

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  21. Sometimes I open five fictioneers stories in a row of tabs and I am not always sure of who I am reading until I scroll down to the comments. But the last line and I knew…Sandra..excellent, as always.

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  22. znjavid says:

    Very scary! Time to run.
    The vivid descriptions made it so real.
    Zainab

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  23. Lucy says:

    Okay. that scared me. Excellent. So well done. Lucy

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  24. storydivamg says:

    The chill is in the air, Sandra. Nice cliffhanger this week.

    Cheers!
    Marie Gail

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  25. Fantastic story, Sandra. An amazing emotional rollercoaster ride in 100 words! From fear, horror, relief, to terror. Beautifully written.

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  26. Ragged breathing? Run, protagonist, run! Very creepy and effective.

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  27. Jan Brown says:

    The tension builds with amazing imagery…and leaves us in utter suspense! Well done!

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  28. subroto says:

    Ragged breathing? Run rabbit run….

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  29. This gave me shivers and made my stomach wrench as well. The insects meandering through the head was gruesome, but very powerful. The suspense was nearly too much to handle!

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  30. The tension in this piece is chilling! Excellent, Sandra!
    Hope your trip is divine. 😉

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  31. Honie Briggs says:

    I could feel the anticipation and panic. Nicely done, Sandra.

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  32. misskzebra says:

    Very tense, but after reading your description I’m not sure how much a paramedic would be able to help…

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  33. plaridel says:

    i could only imagine what would happen next. 😦

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  34. draliman says:

    I like the tension. Sounds like the body will soon be joined by another.

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  35. Geez, she’s going to her doom. Lets hope the sirens would have gotten their in time. A well executed story (loved it!) 🙂

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  36. AnnIsikArts says:

    Scary! Well told, lots of suspense. Enjoy your cruising Sandra. I’m off to our boat tomorrow to continue painting the interior. The hull is stripped of its old antifouling now and looks like a giant egg! Will we get it into the water this year? Maybe! Ann

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  37. unspywriter says:

    Ominous to make me shiver, and I’ll be looking over my shoulder at every little noise for the rest of the day. So, good job! 😉

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/rising-tides-are-what-they-are/

    Like

  38. A nasty ending. Spoiling our Fridays yet once again. Soooo good.

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  39. elappleby says:

    Loved the tension in this one, great writing especially ‘sand begins to whisper’- great line 🙂

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  40. Oh my, I can feel the tension. Run, please run!

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  41. Amy Reese says:

    You paint a grisly scene here. And, it’s not over yet. Great details. I wanted to heave, too. Good one!

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  42. Good grief, this is horrible! Well done! 🙂

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  43. sandraconner says:

    Well, there is really nothing left for me to say after all of these very accurate acclamations. So I’ll just add that I must agree.

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  44. sandraconner says:

    Love your new header photo.

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    • Sandra says:

      Thank you, just about time for a change now I think.

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      • sandraconner says:

        And if I’m just now noticing it, just goes to show how long it’s been since I’ve been able to take part in Friday Fictioneers. Hopefully, my work life will settle down again, and I’ll be able to stick to the FF program more regularly again as a result.

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  45. Taygibay says:

    I hope that you have a bicycle, Sandra! If the coverage drops in a small commune or département, just forget us virtual folks and hop on it following the chemin de halage to the next lock! No relation to the story whatsoever, just friendly advice, Tay.

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  46. writeamy says:

    You did so much with your 100 words. I felt like I was right there and was terrified.

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  47. Spine-tingling ending, particularly after the relief of hearing the sirens

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  48. Nan Falkner says:

    Hi Sandra, Wow! What a creepy, well written tale! You can hear the tension in the air – this is magnificent! Sandra, you are a master! Love it! Nan 🙂

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  49. Bastet says:

    OMG …this is so creepy, scared the britches off me! A great write!

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  50. Sarah Ann says:

    You capture the mood of desolation so well. I hope she unpockets the phone and wraps her fingers around it to sock it to the approaching heavy breather.

    Like

  51. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers – Fingers | The Reclining Gentleman

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